As do the words ’sad’ and possibly ‘pathetic’.

Last night, I spent about 3 hours making these little clay figures for The Pea.  And then I carved my initials on the bottom.  And I plan on making more today.

Of course, I think my dad might have me beat because he saw the figures this morning and took off with them to photograph.

Please, please save us from ourselves.

Remember when we were kids, how simple our toys were?  We had to use our imagination and never had to ask our parents for batteries.  We try to keep that tradition alive with The Pea - even her dad.  We’ve all but banished obnoxious noise making toys from her toy chest and buy her wooden toy sets when we get the chance.  The Pea doesn’t seem to notice and enjoys her toys just the same.  Her two favorite activities seem to be drawing and reading so I think we’re doing something right.

However, the kid also sees us on our computers all the time and naturally wants to be a part of the action.  I’ve been resistant to letting her touch them but I’m starting to come around.  Rollermilf found a few great sites for toddlers (like kneebouncers and fisher price) and in a little while The Pea will be old enough to play stuff like Curious George and my personal favorite Ni-hao Kai-lan.  I’ve played a few of them and I must admit I’ve enjoyed them thoroughly so what’s the harm in letting the kid play on the computer, right?

About a month ago, I brought The Pea with me into the Apple Store and she sat at the little kids table clicking away at Lego Princess Leia, having a ball.  So, in true zuhn form, I’ve started scouring the web for a cheap iBook.  I figure, if she’s going to be playing around on a computer, she should at least have a Mac.  I mean, she already knows how to work an iPhone so a laptop should be a snap.  Anyhow, if anyone has a suggestion of where to find more toddler friendly games where they just poke buttons and things happen or where I can get a cheap Mac laptop, I’m all ears.

My mother and I have had a rocky history, one that I’ve elaborated on a few times here. However, since I’ve been back, she’s turned into my greatest ally, which was unexpected. Despite her conservative values, we share quite a few traits and experiences that I’m not sure she even realizes. With my father moving back in, the stress level in the house is palpable and everyone is always on edge. I can see the strain on my mother where she never knows if she’s going to do or say the wrong thing and incite a negative reaction from my father. In turn she takes this out on her mother who lives with us for whom she has little patience. My role as always, is to play the middle-man to appease everybody and listen to everyone’s woes but there’s no one left for me to take anything out on or even to listen without feeling like I’m adding to their own troubles.

I have no outlet save this here blog. I’m so tired of all this and feeling so trapped. I don’t like this and I don’t know what to do.

I’ve only been gone for 11 days but it feels like it’s been months at least.  There’s such a distance when you’re not there participating in the routine, especially when your own routine consists of sitting up in your room looking for a job.  I know it’s do-able though.

My father left in 1995 to go work on the West Coast and didn’t come back until earlier this year.  My parents used to call each other every night to catch up, always at 11pm.  I think it was better for them to be apart like that since my father has become more ornery with age and my mother’s patience has dwindled.  Nevertheless, they’re still together, their children are doing relatively well and the world kept turning.

We’ve established some sort of routine too.  The Pea calls me in the morning to say “hallo, mama” and if there’s time in the evening, we get to wave and blow kisses to each other online before I wish her good night.  Later in the evening, rollermilf and I get to recount our days to each other, and then the next morning, we get to do it all over again.  Is it ideal?  Absolutely not.   Is it necessary?  We like to think so.

I stole a pair of little people shoes along with a few other things to remind me of home. I finally got around to unpacking my clothes and a few pairs of shoes so I made sure to save a spot for them. It tickles me to look in my closet and see The Pea’s shoes in there.