We call her putt putt because of reasons.
One evening not long ago as I was literally standing barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen whilst cooking supper for my spouse who was on her way home from work, two thoughts passed through my head. The first being: “I am quite content right now” and the second: “what the fuck has happened to me?!”
Back in high school my best friend and I always joked about what our lives would look be like when we’re in our thirties. I always pictured her with a couple of kids in the minivan on their way to soccer practice out in the ‘burbs. On the other hand, I would have been living in my downtown loft with my equally professionally successful partner spending our time and money travelling and entertaining.
20 years later, my friend’s minivan is more like an SUV and her two kids are a little too young still for soccer practice but she’s basically living the life she has always wanted. Meanwhile, that downtown loft that I probably paid too much for is more like a yuppie-neighborhood-outside-of-downtown townhouse that we definitely paid too much money for. And all that time and money that was supposed to support a lifestyle unencumbered by children? We’re watching that disappear in the rear view mirror and I ain’t even mad, bro. This was not the life I had pictured for myself but then what the hell do we know about life when we’re 16?
I have been lucky enough to be given the privilege and the luxury to choose the life I want to live. I have always done what I wanted to do and either been given, have taken, or bought whatever I needed. In that time, I have made my fair share of mistakes and will likely make many more but I do not regret any of it. Up until I met The Pea, I was 100% sure I did not want to have children let alone birth one from my butch body. Even though all of that ended up in heartache that nobody wants to hear about again, it’s led me to this point in my life where I willingly have another being living inside my body that I will now worry about for the rest of my life. It’s exciting and terrifying but most importantly, for the first time in a long time, I can finally see what my future might look like and that’s pretty neat.